Messy Drama

I realize I haven't updated in a while, but I between school, and my (slowly reviving) social life, I barely have the time.
For now, this is all I have to say:

Add me  on Facebook!

I'm off to prepare for a party.

XOXO, darlings.

 As promised in the previous post,  I'm back to update you with the current events of my life.

 It's my Christmas break (as if the title of this entry doesn't already make it obvious). My break started on Wednesday. It's only been two days, but already I've hung out at Mall of Asia, where it's impossible to ice skate due to the enormous amount of people in the not-so-enormous rink combined with the high price for a ticket, and managed to watch a movie called Martian Child at Rockwell, as well as go shopping in Shangri La. Oh, btw, to those who are not from Manila, those are some of the popular malls. Anyway, since it's only the beginning of Christmas break, I'm sure I'll have more to report later on.

 Another thing that happened while I was on my long LJ hiatus was the housewarming party of my family's newly renovated ancestral home in Sariaya, Quezon. It's the house where my dad spent most of his childhood, and the renovation was his pet project. As his daughter, I had to be there for support, so I was forced to spend a weekend away from the city. Unfortunately, Sariaya is a small, isolated town -so isolated, it doesn't even have a Starbucks. Some people would enjoy that kind of "peace and quiet", but not me, since I have no friends there, there's no internet, and there's absolutely nothing to do.  Aside from being away from the city, I had to wear an ugly old dress that belongs to one of my most hated relatives -my aunt. I can't really put into words how irritating she is. Anyway, needless to say, I wasn't exactly in a good mood, however, it improved when my two relatives, Gianne and Thei arrived. I rarely get to see them, so hanging out with them was a treat. The next day was even better: I got to play with my cousin's airsoft gun, an AK47 model, to be exact. 'Twas fun. Still, I felt relieved when it was finally time to go home.

 So far, those are the main events, and although there are other things that happened, I'd rather not post them here. The last thing I have to rant about: my lack of enthusiasm for Christmas. To be honest, I don't feel Christmas. Well, not on Christmas, anyway. I feel Christmas on Halloween. Doesn't make sense? Let me put it this way: That happy, excited feeling people get on Christmas is what I get on Halloween. The holiday just makes me feel deflated and depressed. It doesn't help that I'm forced to spend time with distant relatives I only see once a year, or even less if they're from abroad, and listen to their comments about me "becoming a young woman". I'm sure I come across as a total Grinch (or Scrooge, if you're more traditional), but that's just how I feel about Christmas, okay? I'm going to end this post before I ruin someone else's holiday spirit.

 Contrary to popular belief (or maybe not-so-popular belief, since not that many people read this LJ to begin with), I haven't fallen into a black hole or disappeared into an alternate universe. I've just been really busy. I haven't posted an entry since last month, and right now I'm not in the mood to post a decent entry updating whoever wants to read about the mundane details of my life on my LJ. However, I can post a mindless survey with the promise of better content the next time I update my LJ.

 Last week was the first week of school after sembreak, but a weeklong vacation didn't change anything. School was still school. My weekends are what I live for, and my weekend began with a Friday night party. It involved several rum and cokes and gin pomelos, dance floor craziness, and bench-top insanity. But the details are fuzzy now. 
 Yesterday was equally insane, but it was insanity of a different kind. Lately, I've been having mood swings. I can go from ecstatic to extremely depressed in two minutes. I can also randomly burst into tears, complete with heavy sobs and the vise grip in my throat that only serious crying can achieve. I do this for no reason at all, which pisses me off. I have no reason to do this, so why am I doing this to myself? Just yesterday afternoon, I cried so hard, my chest felt numb and my head hurt. I guess this is a late reaction to all those times I kept my feelings inside. When I have to face something, I'm usually so busy fighting it that I end up numb inside, or I'm so confused that I can't feel anything anymore. This all happens when I'm alone. Like yesterday, while crying, I felt so trapped and alone. In times like these, I wonder : where is everyone? 
 Today is Sunday. It's the end of one week and the beginning of another. Today is also November 11 (11/11). I know you're only supposed to wish on the time 11:11, but I figured wishing on the date wouldn't make a difference.

It's Sunday, and I've had a whirlwind week. Last Friday, I had lunch with my friend, Krizia, at The Old Spaghetti House in Katipunan. After lunch, Krizia and I went to the MC Fair, where I met up with my other friends, Nina, Nath, Pia, and Fifi. Fifi was sick, so she went home early. Nina was hanging out with Aldo, and Pia was with Nard, so Nath and I hung out. The next day, Pia and I slept over at Roxci's place because it was her birthday. On Sunday, I packed my bags and by Monday, I jetted off to Hong Kong. The next four days were spent exploring HK, taking lots of pictures, and, of course, shopping. I got back two days ago, and I'm already on my feet planning for next week. Pictures coming soon. ;)

p.s. Concerning the title, while on my trip to Hong Kong, I recieved an early Christmas gift in the form of an iPOD nano video, which I have named Tokidoki<3.

I suffer from multiple conundrums.

Oh, btw:

 

1: a riddle whose answer is or involves a pun
2 a: a question or problem having only a conjectural answer b: an intricate and difficult problem

 

In this case, an intricate and difficult problem. My first one being the pile of homework sitting on the table in front of
me. 

In this pile of homework is: 

-one essay and two reports for World History
-two essays for English

I'm not doing any of it because, one, I have no idea how to start, and two, I can't concentrate, which brings me to my second problem: being single. Well, okay, it isn't exactly a problem. My real problem is I'm kind of sick of being single but I don't want a relationship. I miss having a relationship, but I just don't think it's worth the time and effort anymore. What's the point? I'm (hopefully) leaving next year. Which brings me to my third (not-so-complicated-but-equally-torturous) problem: WHEN AM I GOING TO FIND OUT IF I GOT ACCEPTED?!?!?!?!?!?!

heavysigh

I'm gonna stop now before I can rant about anything else.

A long weekend is a perfect excuse for celebration. A long weekend means a lot of spare time. As you all know, for me, spare time=vanity. 

I started the day by waking up from a freaky nightmare. In this nightmare, I was out clubbing with my friends, when suddenly, on our way back to our hotel, we were being chased by two psycho killers. One was a model who used her victim's body parts for collagen, and the other one was her boyfriend, an ex-model who got his face burned off, who needed skin for skin grafting. Skin grafting is the operation used for severe burn victims so they can grow back their skin. Freaky, right? Anyway, when we reached our hotel, the two psychos left us alone. The next day, my friends and I went to a theme park. We decided to go on this ride called Paranoia, which was described as "The worst thing that could ever happen." On this ride, we were strapped down on medical chairs that were brought through a set that looked like a hospital full of people with freaky diseases. Suddenly, my chair swerved into a clinic, and the doctors were the two psychos. I woke up. I checked the time -5:30 am. It could've been the cold, but I was shaking. I couldn't go back to sleep, but I was really sleepy, so I didn't get out of bed until 10:30. My family was out because it was my brother's family day, so I was alone. I had a doctor's appointment at 11:00, so I left the house without eating breakfast. After my doctor's appointment, I had to wait for an hour alone, outside a depressing, gray building, before getting picked up by my maid. I had to walk to the car in the rain, so my jeans and my brown ballet flats got wet. By the time I got home, I was wet and hungry, but I was too tired to eat. I ended up sleeping for the rest of the day.

My interview is over. And, you know what? It wasn't so bad. In fact, it went pretty well. A little bit of sleep got rid of the rashes and the dark circles I had, although my nose was still a bit runny, I could breathe pretty well during the interview, and my voice didn't sound funny. The people who interviewed me were great, too. They asked more questions about my interests and the place I want to go to (Italy, specifically, Milan) than about my academics. I'm feeling pretty optimistic, but, still -I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

As I'm typing this, I'm trying hard not to panic. It's hard not to... Nothing in my sixteen years of living on this earth has prepared me for what I'm about to face -my AFS interview. AFS, the American Field Service, is an exchange student program I applied for a few months ago. If I get accepted, I'll be spending a year studying in Europe. And if not... Well, thinking about that won't really help me calm down. As if dealing with the pressure isn't hard enough, I'm SICK. Yes, out of all 365 days in a year, I get sick TODAY, and who knows how long it'll take for me to get better? It gets worse, too... After 3 years of being nice, my skin decides to break out into angry, red, rashes. I have dark circles under my eyes, my skin is red and itchy, and my nose is runny. This is how I'm going to look on the most important day of the year.

This isn't helping.

I have to breathe.

OHM.

Chuck Palahnuik is a god. 'Nuff said.

Make my day.

A Shuffle Survey
1. Shuffle your iPod/MP3 player/iTunes/Whatever else you have.
2. Answer the questions by the song title that comes up.
3. Don't cheat, it makes everything more fun!

[One] What is your life going to be like in five years?
Song: No Day But Today from Rent
Comments: Five years from now, I will no longer procrastinate.

[Two] How is your love life going for you right now?
Song: Beautiful Girls by JoJo
Comments: LMAO.

[Three] What pisses you off the most about the opposite sex?
Song: Beautiful by Disco Montego
Comments: Weirdom.

[Four] What do your parents really think of you?
Song: What I Wanted by Nelly Furtado
Comments: Awwe...

[Five] What do you think about the world and its current state?
Song: Good Riddance by Green Day
Comments: True, so true.

[Six] What is the worst thing that's ever happened to you?
Song: Penny and Me by Hanson
Comments: Frighteningly accurate.

[Seven] What are your grades in school like?
Song: Somewhere I Belong by Linkin Park
Comments: Oh, no.

[Eight] What is your main goal in life?
Song: Vindicated by Dashboard Confessional
Comments: Riiiiiight...

[Nine] What do the boys at your school think of your looks?
Song: Secret Love by JoJo
Comments: ROTFLMFAO

[Ten] What do you really want in life?
Song: Elsewhere by Bethany Joy Lenz
Comments: Whoa. That's deep.

[Eleven] How are you going to get far in life?
Song: Que Hiciste by Jennifer Lopez
Comments: I will completely destroy someone else's life in order to succeed in my own. Fun, fun, fun.

[Twelve] What do you say when you're in a bad mood?
Song: Swing, Swing by All American Rejects
Comments: Uh...

[Thirteen] What about when you are really happy?
Song: I Want Candy by Bow Wow Wow
Comments: That's perky, all right.

[Fourteen] What do think of yourself in general?
Song: Okay, I Believe You, but My Tommy Gun Don't by Brand New
Comments: I am heaven sent, don't you dare forget. LOL

[Fifteen] What is your life's theme song?
Song: Everything You Want by Vertical Horizon
Comments: THAT'S NOT TRUE... IT'S SO NOT TRUE.

[Sixteen] What are you going to do this weekend?
Song: Stranger by Hilary Duff
Comments: Interesting...

[Seventeen] How can you try and make yourself happy?
Song: Cool by Gwen Stefani
Comments: Is that REALLY the only way?!?!?!

[Eighteen] What song will they play at your wedding?
Song: Hands Down by Dashboard Confessional
Comments: I love it.

[Nineteen] What about your funeral?
Song: I Need Some Fine Wine, and You, You Need to Be Nicer by The Cardigans
Comments: Everyone will be drunk at my funeral. Yippee.

[Twenty] What or who makes you the most happy?
Song: Rock Your Body by Justin Timberlake
Comments: Hellyeah.

[Twenty One] What am I even doing on this Earth?
Song: Too Little, Too Late by JoJo
Comments: This is bad... Very bad.

[Twenty Two] How am I going to die?
Song: 1985 by Bowling for Soup
Comments: I will die from disappointment. Whoo-hoo-hoo...

[Twenty Three] What is some good advice?
Song: We Be Burning by Sean Paul
Comments: Get high. Buy weed. Right.

[Twenty Four] What's some advice you'd never take?
Song: Jumpin, Jumpin by Destiny's Child
Comments: Never cheat on my boyfriend. Right.

[Twenty Five] Will you ever have children?
Song: Dance Floor Anthem by Good Charlotte
Comments: I guess not.

[Twenty Six] What is high school like for you or what will it be like?
Song: Acrobats by Moony
Comments: Riiight.

[Twenty Seven] How are you feeling today?
Song: Naughty Girl by Beyonce
Comments: Fuck, no.

[Twenty Eight] What's your general outlook on life?
Song: Fix You by Coldplay
Comments: Wow.

[Twenty Nine] What are your last words going to be?
Song: Just Like a Pill by Pink
Comments. Again: Wow.

[Thirty] What song is going to be stuck in your head all day?
Song: Somebody's Baby by Phantom Planet
Comments: Hellyeah!



I love number eighteen. <3

My hair is now a foot shorter than it was last week, and I love the results. Note to self: The easiest way to get everyone's attention is to get a dramatic hair cut.

 I was running in an isolated place. I knew I was running from something, but I didn't know what, and I didn't know why. Then, I got tired and decided to stop. When I turned around, I found out what was chasing me -ME. For a split second I looked at myself, and I ran away, only this time, I was the one chasing myself. Suddenly, I ended up in a crowded place. I knew I knew the people there, but I their faces were blurry -they moved so fast. The crowd surrounded me, and I couldn't move. There was nothing to do but face myself.
 It was only a dream. Normally, I don't pay attention to my dreams, but I've been having this one several nights in a row, and each time I wake up, I wake up with tears in my eyes. I don't know why. I don't want to think about it. I can't even sleep because I don't want to dream about it. I know it's ridiculous: I'm losing sleep because of a dream.

I've been feeling down,

Last night, I went to Serendra with my family. My mom, my dad, my brother, and my cousin from L.A., to be exact. The first thing we did when we arrived was walk around Bonifacio High Street, the strip of restaurants, bars, and stores where Serendra is located. Of course, we went shopping. My mom bought me shampoo and conditioner from Lush, and two pairs of jogging pants from Nike. Later on, we ate at Duo Steakhouse. Obviously, we had steak for dinner. After dinner, we bought sinfully delicious cupcakes from Cupcakes by Sonja. We also checked out the new Fully Booked, which has five floors. Five floors of books, cds, art supplies, and a Starbucks to boot. I could practically LIVE there. We were about to go home, but since my cousin and I are both nocturnal creatures, we weren't tired yet. So my cousin had the brilliant idea that we should ditch the rest of the family and go clubbing. Surprisingly, my parents allowed me. Originally, we planned to go to Embassy, but the line there was crazy. Instead, we went to Warehouse 135. It was wicked fun. We had some drinks (long island iced teas, margaritas, and tequila shots, to name a few), and then I proceeded to dance the night away. And why wouldn't I? The place was fantastic. The DJ rocked, and the pulsing lights were hypnotic. The whole experience was extremely intoxicating (and not just because of the drinks). It was nearly 3:00 am when we got home. I was tired and sweaty, but it was worth it.

I need to lose weight. Any suggestions?

1. Leave me a comment saying anything random. Or weird.
2. I respond by asking you five personal questions so I can get to know you better.
3. You WILL update your LJ with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

This was from Nina, otherwise known as tooxmuchxbooze.

1. Where do you see yourself 10 years from now?
    If I survive college, I'll be the editor in chief of Vogue.

2. Choose - a bad boy who's only interested in breaking hearts (but is SO HOT that you run out of saliva from drooling) or the mama's boy who gets straight A's in school?
 I pick the bad boy, but I wouldn't be serious about it.

3. How far will you go when you're drunk?
 Second base.

4. (FROM THIRDI!) How will you hurt a guy who just dumped you in public?
 There are too many ways... >:)

5. If your life can be summarized in one song, which song will it be?
 Let Go by Frou Frou, 'cause there's beauty in the breakdown.

 This morning, another typhoon hit the Philippines. To 95% of the population, that means the loss of homes, jobs, and loved ones. In a word, disaster. To ignorant, selfish little me, it simply means another day at home. I could've done a million things to make this day productive -study, finish my projects, even read a little - but I have a knack for wasting time. Instead, I spent the day locked up in my room, alternately dreaming and daydreaming my time away. Of course, now I regret that. Apart from not getting any work done at ALL, the time alone just made me feel, well, LONELY. Not only that, but a lot of thoughts I've been keeping from other people (and sometimes, even from myself) surfaced. Some of them are good, some are bad, and some are in that gray area in between. This is the only way I could think of to get it all out in the open. These are the questions I've been longing to ask and the answers I will never be able to give... At least not directly.